bad mommi pics

bad mommi pics


Promises Promises

Remember the pinkie swear?  That all powerful infinitely binding gesture of verbal or telepathic contract that solidified all agreements when you were about 5?  Well, consider this post a blog shaped pinkie swear.  It is the tiniest finger on my right hand locked tightly with the tiniest finger on yours.  It is that extra twist at the end that seals the deal. It is promise to anyone who has ever read my blog and all those who are just getting started; a promise of return and a vow to do better from now on.  And even though I tell my son never to swear I am swearing to you that things will be different this time.

Life has been happening lately; painfully, perplexingly and precociously.  Boulders have seemed to place themselves as massive obstacles in my path. From death to finances these falling rocks have kept me ducking and diving the task of putting pen to paper (or rather touching fingers to keyboard).  But of all the common struggles there was one large consistent and persistent boulder in my way: fear.  Fear kept me strangled and quiet for quite some time.  From being afraid of not doing or saying the right thing at all times to fear of being and standing alone.  Fear of speaking up because I didn't know who would listen and fear of staying quiet because words seemed to be choking me.  Fear of being judged, of being laughed at, of being exposed.  I was trapped in it for so long I actually forgot  the cage was there until one simple truth was illuminated: everyone seemed to be living in the same cage.  Everybody is scared.

Once I recognized (through much mediation, reflection and wine) that everyone was just as scared as I was I made up my mind about one thing: fear cannot control the onward movement of life.  And so here I am, ready to ignore fear and start fresh.  And every fresh start deserves a verified list of resolutions.  It's like New Year's for me except without all the guilt when I eat that large bag of salt and vinegar potato chips by myself after promising to go on a diet.  These are promises I pinkie swear NOT to break:

Promise #1: FEAR
I pinkie swear to stay terrified.  I promise to never stop being scared.  Counterproductive much? It sounds crazy right now but without the presence of FEAR there can be no opportunity to be brave.  I promise to keep an element of fear running through my life and I promise to push past it.  I promise to do something that scares the shit out of me each week and I promise to tell you about it so you can laugh at me. Jerk.
Scary, hunh?

Promise #2: HONESTY
I pinkie swear to always tell the truth.  No matter what happens or how much I think you'll judge me I promise to be throughly HONEST.  I cannot promise perfection (BAD mother) because I do stupid things all the time but I can promise transparency and authenticity.  And then you can laugh at me again.  You're really going to get some chuckles out of this aren't you? Double jerk.
No masks!

Promise #3: CREATIVITY
I pinkie swear to be as CREATIVE as possible.  This encompasses everything, from finding fun ways to hang with kids to finding cheap places to go for drinks.  I promise to chronicle my life in such a creative way I make you think I'm actually doing stuff and that I'm actually cool.  And I promise to tell you when I do something or make something fun because it's all about the LITTLE THINGS. Notice how I plugged the page at the top there?  I'm so smart! Now go check it out!
Life is full of fun!

Promise #4: HUMOR
I pinkie swear to be funny.  I know, how can I promise you that?  You're a girl, you say, and we all know girls aren't funny!  Nobody can be "on" all the time, you're thinking.  How can anyone promise something as abstract as HUMOR? Here's my solution: I promise to crack myself up.  I do it all the time.  And because I am so quirky and cute I know I can get you to laugh at my antics.  I can get you to chuckle inwardly at least once during each post.  Mark my word.  Or I can just type the word "fuck" a lot.  That always makes people giggle.
He's gonna hate me when he's 16 ...

Promise #5: STYLE
I started this page in part because I was tired of the perceptions of mommies.  I was tired of hearing, "Oh you don't LOOK like a mom!" with that little raised eyebrow that indicates I'm supposed to be wearing mismatched socks, mom jeans from 1989 and my hair is supposed to be a rats's nest covered in dirty diaper dander.  I'm here to show you what real moms look like; beautiful and funky and unique.  I pinkie swear to stay fly (till I die) and actually post pictures of the STYLISH ways of moms everywhere.
Pretty girls wear green!

Is that a word?  The spell checker just flagged it so I guess not but as a high school English teacher and the clear authority on all language I now deem RACHETIVITY an official word.  Use it wisely.  No, this does not mean I promise to rock my foam rollers outside or put a video of me scratching someone's eyes out on Worldstar (I HATE that).  This is a pinkie swear to keep it just a bit hood.  Parenting is all about letting the little fucker know who's boss and that requires a certain amount of vaseline on the face.  I promise to "keep it real" and recognize the hardships that must be met by the hardass of being a mom.  I also promise to twerk every once in a while.
Told ya!

And finally ...
Promise #7: LOVE
I pinkie swear to LOVE myself.  This blog is my covenant with the universe to finally master the illusive art of self love.  I promise to do my best by trying (and probably failing at first but than elegantly trying again) to think, say and do things that foster growth and love.  And I promise to share with you anything I find that helps me to do this.  This promise is made in tandem with your promise to do the same; share with me tips and tools for confidence and promise me you'll put you first.  We'll learn together like work out buddies except without all the sweat, yelling and buff men creepily learning over the workout equipment whispering, "Hey ladies!"
Pure self loving bliss ...

So there it is folks! The pinkie swear.  My finger kinda aches now.  But remember this is two way street: I encourage you to hold me accountable, comment and email, and most importantly live your life.  Live your life and share it with me.  We all know trips are rarely fun alone so let's take this journey together!