This may come as a surprise to many of you, but it is 2012. We enjoy many freedoms that were not afforded to our predecessors. On June 12th, 1967, the Supreme Court struck down the decision to convict Richard and Mildred Loving (ironic name, right?) for what we all have the unalienable right to: love. The couple was facing charges for simply being together; a white man and a black woman in a loving relationship was seen as obscene. Yet the highest court in the land decided that we should be able to love WHOMEVER we choose.
And yet I still catch flack and the side eye for dating outside of my race. Don't get me wrong; I LOVE black men. That smooth cocoa sun-kissed brown goodness makes my stomach drop and a halo of thick nappy hair atop the head is enough to make me scream. My son is a beautiful black boy and he was created out of my love for a black man who I still find beautiful even with all our issues. Black men are alright with me. But I have learned through my years and experience to be open to possibilities.
The truth is I love ALL men; black, white, asian, latino, martian. If he's fine and nice to me, he's in! It seems to me that it bothers people the most when I am seen gallivanting with someone white. I have heard all the arguments for "keeping it in the family" and though I respect anyone's decision to stay limited to their own race (though race itself is an imaginary construct built to divide and conquer) I must admit I have fallen victim to Tricky Ass White Boy Syndrome.
Tricky Ass White Boy Syndrome is a little known disease that is spreading throughout the nation, especially in larger cities such as New York and Los Angeles. It is rapidly increasing in rates among black women and is highly contagious. This illness is categorized by prolonged glances at fine white guys on public transportation, frequenting areas populated by captivating caucasians such as dive bars and Whole Foods, and keeping movies that contain pleasant looking pale-ones in heavy rotation. Side effects include dizziness, shortness of breath, and in the most severe cases, buying tickets to see Bon Iver (yeah, I have all of For Emma, Forever Ago downloaded on my Mac).
Personally, I was diagnosed with this disease back in High School. It was only recently upon discussions with other stricken black women that I have realized I am not alone. The problem with the disease is not the taunting from friends or the endless odd looks as you try to walk through your hood with your new "boo". It is constantly feeling like no one else sees what you see; all these fine ass white boys walking around!
Why do we call it Tricky Ass White Boy Syndrome you may ask? This seems a tad offensive. Let me assure you reader, it is meant only in love to describe the slight trickery that is involved in luring us into this disease. You see, traditionally, it has been difficult for white men to talk to black women; we are seen as angry and aggressive because of the media. Many white men find it a daunting task to approach a beautiful black woman. The trick is music; music is the unifying medium.
My disease often goes into remission and I find myself living white boy free for limited amounts of time. But last year, the disease came back with a vengeance upon meeting the most dangerous of strains: the Tricky Ass White Ginger (damn gingers!) My fascination with his hair (it was so shockingly red!) blinded me to the onset of the disease, but I knew I had completely fallen when we spent some time listening to music. And it was not the guitar laden, soft crooning alternative kind; it was late 90's R&B! Imagine my shock and awe when I realized he knew every lyric to 112's classic hit "Peaches and Cream"?! I was struck down and in love from then on. I spent many months later crying and lamenting my unrequited love (and finally realizing the problem was not his being white but his being a little boy) I learned a valuable lesson; music is the gateway drug! Upon further research I found countless stories of musical entrapment. One friend reported being in a reggae club and falling victim to a white boy who knew how to wine. Another friend reported sitting in a bar and becoming enthralled by a white guy's rendition of Notorious B.I.G.'s "Big Poppa". The stories go on and on; it is the music that allows the disease to creep in. So, if you do not want to fall victim to Tricky Ass White Boy Syndrome DON'T LISTEN TO MUSIC!
But if you actually have some sense you might want to realize that love comes in all shapes, sizes and colors. So does heartache. No one color is best for me but there will be one man who is. And I don't care what package he is wrapped in as long as the package is removable later (wink).
As a special treat for those enlightened women (and men) who enjoy a good looking man even if he burns in the sun, my friend Tecoyia (who fell victim to the disease after many years of denial) and I have compiled the Tricky Ass White Boy Sweet Sixteen!
(P.S. Check out Tecoyia's blog, www.alwayssosentive.blogspot.com)
Beautiful aren't they? Although there are many black men who are equally as mouthwatering (don't worry that list is coming soon!) I think that I should have the right to salivate over whoever I want to, comprende? And as a side note, if any of the men on this list would like to contact me because they have fallen victim to Gorgeous Nose Ring Having Tatted Up Loc Sporting Tricky Ass Black Girl Syndrome I am sure I can work out a cure or at least some form of treatment for your symptoms . . .
And yet I still catch flack and the side eye for dating outside of my race. Don't get me wrong; I LOVE black men. That smooth cocoa sun-kissed brown goodness makes my stomach drop and a halo of thick nappy hair atop the head is enough to make me scream. My son is a beautiful black boy and he was created out of my love for a black man who I still find beautiful even with all our issues. Black men are alright with me. But I have learned through my years and experience to be open to possibilities.
The truth is I love ALL men; black, white, asian, latino, martian. If he's fine and nice to me, he's in! It seems to me that it bothers people the most when I am seen gallivanting with someone white. I have heard all the arguments for "keeping it in the family" and though I respect anyone's decision to stay limited to their own race (though race itself is an imaginary construct built to divide and conquer) I must admit I have fallen victim to Tricky Ass White Boy Syndrome.
Tricky Ass White Boy Syndrome is a little known disease that is spreading throughout the nation, especially in larger cities such as New York and Los Angeles. It is rapidly increasing in rates among black women and is highly contagious. This illness is categorized by prolonged glances at fine white guys on public transportation, frequenting areas populated by captivating caucasians such as dive bars and Whole Foods, and keeping movies that contain pleasant looking pale-ones in heavy rotation. Side effects include dizziness, shortness of breath, and in the most severe cases, buying tickets to see Bon Iver (yeah, I have all of For Emma, Forever Ago downloaded on my Mac).
Personally, I was diagnosed with this disease back in High School. It was only recently upon discussions with other stricken black women that I have realized I am not alone. The problem with the disease is not the taunting from friends or the endless odd looks as you try to walk through your hood with your new "boo". It is constantly feeling like no one else sees what you see; all these fine ass white boys walking around!
Why do we call it Tricky Ass White Boy Syndrome you may ask? This seems a tad offensive. Let me assure you reader, it is meant only in love to describe the slight trickery that is involved in luring us into this disease. You see, traditionally, it has been difficult for white men to talk to black women; we are seen as angry and aggressive because of the media. Many white men find it a daunting task to approach a beautiful black woman. The trick is music; music is the unifying medium.
My disease often goes into remission and I find myself living white boy free for limited amounts of time. But last year, the disease came back with a vengeance upon meeting the most dangerous of strains: the Tricky Ass White Ginger (damn gingers!) My fascination with his hair (it was so shockingly red!) blinded me to the onset of the disease, but I knew I had completely fallen when we spent some time listening to music. And it was not the guitar laden, soft crooning alternative kind; it was late 90's R&B! Imagine my shock and awe when I realized he knew every lyric to 112's classic hit "Peaches and Cream"?! I was struck down and in love from then on. I spent many months later crying and lamenting my unrequited love (and finally realizing the problem was not his being white but his being a little boy) I learned a valuable lesson; music is the gateway drug! Upon further research I found countless stories of musical entrapment. One friend reported being in a reggae club and falling victim to a white boy who knew how to wine. Another friend reported sitting in a bar and becoming enthralled by a white guy's rendition of Notorious B.I.G.'s "Big Poppa". The stories go on and on; it is the music that allows the disease to creep in. So, if you do not want to fall victim to Tricky Ass White Boy Syndrome DON'T LISTEN TO MUSIC!
But if you actually have some sense you might want to realize that love comes in all shapes, sizes and colors. So does heartache. No one color is best for me but there will be one man who is. And I don't care what package he is wrapped in as long as the package is removable later (wink).
As a special treat for those enlightened women (and men) who enjoy a good looking man even if he burns in the sun, my friend Tecoyia (who fell victim to the disease after many years of denial) and I have compiled the Tricky Ass White Boy Sweet Sixteen!
(P.S. Check out Tecoyia's blog, www.alwayssosentive.blogspot.com)
Ryan Gosling ('ol Hero Ass Tricky Ass White Boy)
Robin Thicke ('ol Singing Ass Married to a Black Girl (Yesssssss!) Tricky Ass White Boy)
Mark Ruffalo ('ol Scruffy Ass Tricky Ass White Boy)
Ryan Kwanten ('ol Make Me Wanna be a Gay Man Tricky Ass White Boy)
George Clooney ('ol Tricky Ass Silver Fox)
Brad Pitt ('ol Beauty Spanning Over Time Tricky Ass White Boy)
Josh Hartnett ('ol Almost Born in a Trailer Park but You Fine as Shit Tricky Ass White Boy)
Bryan Greenberg ('ol You Started the Cougar Craze in Prime By Being Fine Tricky Ass White Boy)
Sam Sparro ('ol You Don't Know Who I am? Well You Better Find Out! Tricky Ass White Boy)
Jason Mraz ('ol Easy Breezy Guitar Carrying Tricky Ass White Boy)
Joseph Gordon-Levitt ('ol Making Nerdy look Sexy as Hell Tricky Ass White Boy)
Shia LeBeouf ('ol Don't Give a Fuck Cussing Bar Fighting Tricky Ass White Boy)
James McAvoy ('ol Scottish Accent Pretty Eye Having Tricky Ass White Boy)
Justin Timberlake ('ol Transitioning from Boy Band to R&B Star Tricky Ass White Boy)
Adrien Brody ('ol I Didn't Know You Was Packing All That Under There Tricky Ass White Boy)
Beautiful aren't they? Although there are many black men who are equally as mouthwatering (don't worry that list is coming soon!) I think that I should have the right to salivate over whoever I want to, comprende? And as a side note, if any of the men on this list would like to contact me because they have fallen victim to Gorgeous Nose Ring Having Tatted Up Loc Sporting Tricky Ass Black Girl Syndrome I am sure I can work out a cure or at least some form of treatment for your symptoms . . .
*swooning*
ReplyDeleteShall I add my TWB stories??
Ole Listening to Marvin Gaye's Greatest Hits on Your iTouch Tricky Ass White Boy
Ole Sound like Sean Paul from Youngbloodz Tricky Ass White Boy
Ole Jeezy as Your Ringtone Tricky Ass White Boy
Ole Buy Me Tickets to See the Roots Tricky Ass White Boy + Play in a Haitian Band TAWB
Sigh.
OMG!!! I forgot about the TWB with the black swag! Too funny!
Delete